From Chris, an unusual assessment.

Christopher Malcolm September 7 at 9:29pm

Ed,

For as long as I have known you you have been a man in the crosshairs of passion. Whether this places you (carfully listening) under the deck of a former lover or in the complexities of your relationship with T your dance with love has been a troubled gift. An extraordinary story. A deeply moved and moving set of experiences that you sought out in the grand fields of the unconscious and made them into a life. Had it not been for T it would have been L or P or R because these were all manifestations of that which you were seeking.

Breathe the toxic out with every breath....love is too frail to do otherwise.

You were beautiful at the Inukshuk.

Salut,

Love IXa

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact.

Ditch; push into it.

Yourself, save; you

think to ditch saves

you. But no one can,

themselves, by cruelty;

they make themselves

cruel, and lost; not saved.

Empitted, not empowered;

you cannot rescue yourself,

yourself out of the ditch, pit.

That stinks, of death, death

Stinks. Ditch, Pit. Cruelty.

Love Ia

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact:

I want to draw

a straight line in your

mind and mine; from

my presently terminal

state to my long-ago

friend, long-ago lover,

a line of causation, a line

of fatal nourishment.

Sketching what I must see

as cruelty and a will to kill.

One who I fear, I need

and I may still love.

Why else want her

smile, her courtesy, her

thoughtful reflection, to

know why in a way that

speaks of hostility’s end?

Okay. I may just want to

not leave anger trailing

from my grave.

Love IIa

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact:

The story began (of

course) with crazy

transcending superlative

love; then steam was lost,

coverup compromises, dis-

trust, fear, horned in.

The unfortunate usual.

But it, she, made my parents

smile, they unaware of modern

romance. We were underway

with too many deeply

invested hopes; afraid

to go forward afraid

to go back: Her

romance ended. My

romance couldn’t

didn’t wouldn’t; wanted

her love again.

Her skin was so soft her

eyes were so bright

her love was so sweet. I

could never be sure

of her.

Love IIIa

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact:

My love offended, stood

in the way of an end; pride

played a part too on both

sides. and sides there were.

Gashes in the sides of each,

both offended, wounded.

No help for it

until the cancer. Then every-

thing changed; several times.

She intended to be my care-

giver. She didn’t want to be

my caregiver. She offered to

let me stay in her apartment.

She had no wish to share her

apartment with me. These last

two were the high and low of

our connection until there

was none. And then she

threatened to call the police if

I appeared on our property

(I didn’t know), while she

was visiting me in hospital

to comfort and encourage me.

Love IVa

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact:

She is unsettled in

the degree of

hatred and distaste, of dislike

and contempt, of fear and

associated terms of

emotional (dis)engagement

she is willing to express

and, or conceal.

She has exhibited and in-

hibited exquisite sweetness

wrapped up in kindness, requisite

kindness appropriately,

fierce burning darkness flung like

a glove scathingly across my face;

wonderful warmth and bone-

breaking chill, sinister

happiness and sinister innocence

all in the service of what is likely

a mystery even to, particularly for

her. It would

seem her overriding concern is for

opportunities for flirting.

(Not sex, particularly: Flirting.)

Love Va

No longer drawing

back from an in-

commensurable fact:

So here we have begun

a straight line; erased in spots,

shaded in others, scumbled and

blurred, sharp and soft.

A line in fact, for which there

is verbal testimony. In the period

we might call Early Post Breakup

or Paleobreakup, she told me, on

her way out for the evening, her

favorite activity, her greatest satis-

faction, was flirting.

Thus this from which all else

descended. It would be this

that led to her disengagement,

it was this that led her to refuse

me shelter during recovery, this

for which she negotiated my

legally enforced absence from

my home. This for which she had

crushed my spirit and fed my cancer.

But imagine the confusion, the mental

and emotional contortions. Poor woman.

A lost soul, hopeless confusion: Exhibit A.